Have you ever felt completely lost? Stuck on autopilot, going through the motions of life, day in and day out. Told what to do, when to do it. Path carved out, predetermined by good grades and the position in the family, which was the “baby” of four Catholic-raised children. Pressured to be a certain way, live a certain life. Fault of my own because of being a perfectionist and wanting to make my parents happy. Sadly was me when I away to school my junior year of college. After earning an academic scholarship to a university in southern Illinois, I left the comfort of the “Brady Bunch” behind, in an attempt to finally identify as Meg. Not Mr.and Mrs. Brady’s youngest, or “Little Brady,” or “Jan’s” little sister. Not even the boys’ little sister, which oddly I never minded that much. But, I desperately wanted to be me. Just Meg. Nothing else. And I was terrified, beyond belief. Especially after meeting “Hick” and her friend that first weekend. However, “Coffee” had been at school for a year already and I knew she’d take good care of me. But, I had rarely made my own bed, never done laundry before, or even puked without my grandma or mom, unless it was at a party in high school. I know, pathetic. I was almost 21 and a child. But, you see, my mother, “Carol,” is an angel; seriously, has a place reserved for her up there. She loves to take care of people. Watched all four of us, while babysitting 6 other kids, then worked for 20 plus years, and turned around and watched 6 out of 8 grandchildren. Now, at the age of 70, she still works FT, has dates with all 8 grandchildren on a regular basis, and still takes genuine care of everyone in our bunch. The woman has more spunk than the Energizer bunny. So, needless to say, “Carol” took amazing care of us; some call us Bradys spoiled. My sister and I more so than my brothers. Having police officer “Mike,” as a father, prepared me for the real world, regarding street smarts but going “away” (a whole 50 minutes) was a bit of a shock to my system.
That is, until the second weekend in September. Fall, my favorite time of year. Also, the night of one of our infamous apartment parties.
Although my boyfriend of almost 5 years was at said party, it didn’t stop me from falling under his spell. I’m not even sure how to describe it now, 17 years later, other than, out of this world. Seriously, felt like something straight out of a fairy tale. What started out as a simple meet and greet from “Hick,” ended with us walking around the complex in deep conversation about the stars, traveling, and much more than surface bullshit. It was real. At one point, I looked into his dark, brown eyes and became absolutely mesmerized. Even though I was already fascinated by him as a person, his eyes told another story entirely. I saw honesty, passion, pain. Soul. And it was from that evening where my journey with him began.
I’ve debated on what to refer to my soulmate but I’ve finally decided on “Compass.” His soul touched me in a way that no one person ever has. “Compass” was my direction; he helped me discover myself that year. Just me. Meg. I learned so much about who I was as a person. Not a daughter or sister. Not Tom’s girlfriend. Not the perfect student. I was just me. I exercised daily. I read books. I took road trips. I painted again. I wrote. I camped and hiked. I dreamed; and I dreamed big. But, it was a beautiful process of self-discovery and “Compass” was my inspiration. My encouragement and support. I found me. That, itself, is one of the most precious gifts one person can do for another in this crazy game called life.
As I finish this blog post, I want to thank you all again for reading. Thanks for sharing with others. The final post of this series will be this weekend. To find out more about my journey with “Compass,” please stay tuned. LifeIsYourJourney
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