Approval, not necessary anymore. After I figured out “Mike” and “Carol” haven’t approved of many of my choices but still love and support me, I didn’t need anyone else’s approval. Never sought it from peers or society anyway.
However, as I’ve embarked on this journey of rediscovery, life has thrown some pretty narly shit my way. Spiritual friends have warned me about this but I was in such an amazing place I didn’t believe such things were possible. Self-doubt. Pity. Resentment. Bitterness.
Naively, I thought once I survived my own obstacles and challenges and felt joy, I was on my way there. True peace. Hah!
Besides dealing with society, in genral, most people in my life aren’t spiritual; don’t understand and never will and some could care less. People are inconsiderate of other’s lives, understandly so, when they’re living their own. Work is demanding and stressful. I don’t seem to “fit” anywhere. And, my children are so impressionable and innocent. Juggling act which is mentally and emotionally draining.
And, me, FAR from perfect. Learning more and more about myself every day. Working on my relationships with my children. Exercising. Writing. Trying to approach work with a new attitude. Mostly, though, I’m genuinely trying my best to be a better person. I haven’t always been.
Many of us have our flaws, our mistakes. Throughout the last year, I’ve taken a very hard look at myself and didn’t like what I saw. I want better. More for me. My kids. My family. Friends. Employees.
I can be better person; one who people can refer to as a “good soul.” I’d like my kids to remember me as a good mother and friend, not some anal, angry mom.
Guess my point is, I’m disappointed in myself lately. I shouldn’t need validation from others, especially loved ones. My journey of rediscovery isn’t over. It just began last year.
All good things take time. However, I still have every intention of living one day at a time; write my own story.